This is a tough article to write for me because I am a pretty private person when it comes to discussing sex. It isn't an easy subject to approach for many people, myself included, but I believe today I have to share what is on my heart after reading an article today.
The article was written by a young lady discussing the loss of her virginity to her husband on their wedding night. This young woman discusses how wrapped up in maintaining her virgin status she was that she allowed it to define her and became her identity. She blamed the warped image she developed as a married woman of her sexual relationship with her husband to what she was taught in church and "religion."
Unfortunately, I have to say that the attitude the woman discusses in the article is actually one that is not uncommon among Christian women -- young and old. Moms, we try to teach our daughters to save themselves for their husbands. We tell them it will be worth it...that God has one person for everyone. I think, though, we can get the message wrong...even with the best of intentions. Instead of sounding like a good thing, our message comes across as how sinful sex is...how wrong and degrading it can be. Then we expect our daughters to have a healthy outlook on how their relationships with their husbands should be. We all know what a playground our mind and emotions are for Satan. He is the master liar. He has the ability to whisper in our ears and twist the truth, twist our words and thoughts and the things we think we have learned until there is very little resemblance to the original message. What better time for the enemy to have success than during our daughters' teenage formative years. As a mom of 2 daughters, I think we should re-evaluate the message we are sending to our girls.
Old Testament -
Leviticus 20:26 - 'And you shall be holy to Me, for I the Lord am holy, and have separated you from the peoples, that you should be Mine.'
Leviticus 11:44, 45 - 'For I am the Lord your God. you shall therefore consecrate yourselves, and you shall be holy; for I am holy. Neither shall you defile yourselves with any creeping thing that creeps on the earth. For I am the Lord who brings you up out of the land of Egypt, to be your God. You shall therefore be holy, for I am holy.'
Leviticus 20:7-8 - 'Consecrate yourselves therefore, and be holy, for I am the Lord your God. And you shall keep My statutes, and perform them; I am the Lord who sanctifies you.'
New Testament -
1 Peter 1:13-16 - Therefore gird up the loins of your mind, be sober, and rest your hope fully upon the grace that is to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ; as obedient children, not conforming yourselves to the former lusts, as in your ignorance; but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, because it is written, "Be holy, for I am holy."
1 Peter 2:9-12 - But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light; who once were not a people but are now the people of God, who had not obtained mercy but now have obtained mercy. Beloved, I beg you as sojourners and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts which war against the soul, having your conduct honorable among the Gentiles, that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may, by your good works which they observe, glorify God in the day of visitation.
1 Corinthians 6:15-20 - Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a harlot? Certainly not! Or do you not know that he who is joined to a harlot is one body with her? For "the two" He says, "shall become one flesh." But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him. Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in our spirit, which are God's.
Most denominational churches fail in the message to teens about premarital sex. Yes, it is sin. Yes, it requires forgiveness as all sin does. But why? As Christians, we are members of the Body of Christ. We are a part of Him. As such, we are called to be separate from others. We are told not to do the things the Gentiles (unbelievers) do. We are told to abstain from fleshly lusts. Sex is a fleshly lust with a physical gratification that our flesh craves. Outside of the sanctity of marriage, it is an immoral sin that is a sin against ourselves. We are the temple of the Holy Spirit. We were bought and paid for by the life and blood of the sacrificial Lamb, Jesus Christ. We no longer belong to ourselves. We belong to the One who paid our ransom out of the darkness of sin and into His light. As a result, we do not have the RIGHT to act on those lusts, the acts of the flesh that our society today tells us we have right to.
Our daughters should be instructed in such a manner. When they begin to feel condemned because they are still learning how to process and deal with all of this, or when thoughts invade...or they give in to temptation...then we teach them forgiveness and then Romans 8:1 -
There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the spirit.
What is a sin outside of marriage, is sanctified through the consecrated union of marriage and allows husband and wife to "become one flesh." It is an act that joins the two together in a way that nothing else can. But we need to teach our daughters that the joining together is only intended to be to the one that God has chosen for them.
We also have to remember if we are teaching our children (I am including sons...they are not excluded from sexual immorality) to set their minds on things of God and not immediate fleshly gratification, then they will experience a deeper relationship with their God and King.
Romans 8:5-8 - For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. For to be carnally minded is death, but to the spiritually minded is life and peace. Because the carnal mind is enmity against God; for it is not subject to the law of God, nor indeed can be. So then, those who are in the flesh cannot please God.
When we give into our fleshly lusts, we are not in a position to please God. If we are not pleasing to God, then we are not receiving the blessings of God that He wants to give us. We are not walking in His perfect will for our lives and the purpose we are to fulfill.
Our daughters (and sons) should be taught how to live a Godly life, holy and pure. There is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus. There is no worthlessness, or feelings of being "less" of any things. After all, we are a ROYAL PRIESTHOOD and a CHOSEN GENERATION!